Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Reasons your 2 year old is waking up at night

1. She's mulling over your earlier conversation about playing with scissors. She feels misunderstood.

2. You didn't shell out the big bucks for one of those fancy organic crib mattresses. And now she's dealing with all those synthetic fibers. Why are you so cheap and selfish?

3. She can't get over it: Why doesn't Big Nutbrown Hare just give up, and allow Little Nutbrown Hare to say he loves Big Nutbrown Hare the most? Why this constant one-upmanship? Is this some sort of love competition? It just feels wrong, that's all.
4. It's hot, could you turn the fan on? Oh, now it's too windy--could you angle it a little bit? Wait, you angled it too much. Could it be aimed from my toes to my stomach, but not above? I'm sorry...this really isn't going to work.

5. Well, you didn't really meet her needs all that well today, did you? And now she's waking up in that darkened room and feeling lonely. That's probably because of some way that you messed up. Maybe you could've hugged her a little more, and prevented that. Nice work, You.

6. She knows you're trying to finish that episode of 30 Rock.

7. She refused to eat her dinner...and then you were tyrannical and didn't let her have a brownie. She might be hungry and it's your fault. Maybe you should drag her out of bed and feed her.

8. There is an international sleep strike planned among 2 year olds, and she is the union vice president. It's amazing that you haven't figured that out by now. All those back room planning meetings and such. Sucker.

9. Let's be honest, it's kind of fun to watch you grope around in the dark for her pacifier. She hides it before you get in there.

10. She's messing with your head.


  1. She absolutely is messing with your head. She is a conniving one that is for sure. I think she just wanted to remind us that she is still in the drivers seat.

  2. She wants to see a loving face and know that she's not alone in the dark. At the moment she wakes up, she misses you and can't get back to sleep without that moment of contact . You might try to slip her a brownie in the dark. I totally would.

  3. Miles William is the Secretary-Treasurer of that union, good god.

  4. Jenni, I feel you girl.

    Mom, you are hilarious! It makes so much sense now...this is where I got it from.

    Mind you, she's happy as a lark this morning. Harumph.

  5. You are too funny Amy and need to be writing for TV (that's all i am sayin')

  6. funny! loved reading Jason and your mum's comments:)
    btw, Ganeida asked me to let you know that she can't seem to comment on your blog.
    I know blogger has ongoing issues and I once had this issue, something to do with the way one can comment on a post? not sure if any of your other readers have had this problem.

  7. Love #'s 3 and 4! I'm always overreading children's books. Now, Runaway Bunny, there's a terrifying portrait of suffocating parental "love."

    And I think these are what G would say if she could. She is you, reincarnated.

  8. Oh my gosh, Runaway Bunny--that's just jacked up. And what about I Love You Forever, which I actually love, but the mom takes a ladder and climbs through her son's window? Really?

    Rosemary, I've heard that from a few people! Not sure what the problem is as I'm not very tech-savvy. ;) Hi, Ganeida!!

    Deb, thanks hon. I'm not sure about that, but I'm glad if it gave you a smile! xo