Potted Meat and Mysterious Pellets, It's Not You. It's Us.

As I stood in the pantry tonight looking for the last serving of Easy Mac, I realized that we have a lot of stuff in there that will never, no never be eaten. Not by us, anyway. I decided it's time to begin liberating that stuff. Cause, some of it, I honestly have no idea where it came from.

One reason for that may be because we have lots and lots of houseguests. A good amount of people are in and out of here, and some of them leave their food with us! Another reason is that we have a massive pantry. The kids play in there, it's so big. So there's room for alot of stuff we never use to sit there unnoticed for a long time. I am embarrassed to admit this, as it sounds so decadent. I know this is one of those "first world problems". But some of this stuff, I honestly can't see being much use to anyone.

Isn't the Internet a beautiful thing? Where else could I show you the contents of my pantry and assume that anyone would care? Here's few things I dug out:

Okay, so starting on the left. Marmite, which I told you about before. I opened it and smelled it just now, and wow. Let's just say it must be an acquired taste. But we have to keep this around for our friends that like it. So it stays. Then we have Cornflour. I bought this almost exactly four years ago, while preparing for our first Thanksgiving dinner here. I was searching in vain for corn meal. If you ever try to make cornbread in Australia, let me save you some time and tell you that you can't get corn meal here. The bewildered shelf stocker at the grocery store handed me the cornflour instead, saying maybe it was what I needed. It wasn't. Incidentally, that's where culture shock really gets you: the little moments. The times that you expect something to be there, or think it will just be a certain way and it just isn't. And no one seems to be bothered by that but you. I remember being disproportionately bothered by that little bag of cornflour. And don't even get me started on the time I was looking for plastic Easter eggs. I almost flew home.

Next, a can of Malaysian Laksa soup. No idea where this came from. Malaysia, I have no issue with you, but I will not eat your soup. I will not eat it in a boat. I will not eat it with a goat. I don't know how many laksas were killed to go into that can, but it is wasted on me. Then, we have a jar of Cranberry Sauce. I also bought this at Thanksgiving one year, thinking it would be analogous to, you know, cranberries. It really isn't. Carrying on with our fruit theme is a ginormous jar of Morello cherries. I bought this cause I was making an ill-fated pineapple upside down cake and they don't have maraschino cherries here. Go here to read that tragic tale. They kind of have a sharp taste and I don't really know what to do with them now.

Finally, a bottle of Organic Apple Cider Vinegar. Jason's mom bought this once when she was here, cause it's 'sposed to be really good for you. She even had a little book about it. I'm sure it is good for me, but I don't know what to do with it, and honestly, it will probably continue to sit on the shelf. I will add, though, that on the jar it says: "An important feature is that the 'MOTHER' has not been killed by pasteurization." No clue what this means. But I guess it's good that no mothers were killed. That is a cause I can get behind. Well done, Organic Apple Cider Vinegar. Keep fighting the good fight. But fight it somewhere else.

Okay, I'll come back to that first one. Cause it ain't yogurt, that much I do know. Next, this can of creamed corn will not get eaten. I have a recipe for creamed corn from Jason's mom that is to die for, but I can't abide the canned stuff. The best part of corn is it crunchiness! Why mess with that, I ask you? Also I noticed that we have two boxes of Turkish Delight. I'm not sure why we have this, someone must have given it to us. (If it was you, thanks! You are the sweetest.) I feel the need, though, to burst the bubble of anyone who has read "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe". Edmund betrays Aslan and his siblings for Turkish Delight, right? So when I had the chance to have some I thought, Dang this stuff is gonna be so good. Um, not so much. It's this chewy gel type stuff covered in chocolate. But the taste of the two mixed together is not a happy taste. There was not a party in my mouth.

Now, the Spam. I have a pretty good idea who brought this. I'm looking at you, Mom. I know how you feel about Spam and other potted meat products. But to me, it just looks and smells like cat food. But if you like, I'll save it for when you come visit next year. We all know it will be in the exact condition it is now. This can of Light Coconut Cream is for folks who make curry, I think. I am just not a curry maker and not usually a curry eater, either. Rosemary, say the word and it's yours!

Finally, the mysterious Yoplait container that contains something that is Not Yogurt. Here's a picture of what's inside:

Mmmmm. As I always say, nothing says "Eat me" like little dusty gray pellets. Whoever left this at our house has graciously left the label from its original bag behind as well. I haven't googled it yet, but I think these are those little balls that people put in those tea-type drinks. Y'all know what I'm talking about? I think the balls are made of tapioca or something. I had one a few years ago and all I know is those little balls had the texture and consistency of snot. Sorry, there's just no delicate way to say that. I get the shivers just thinking about it. In Dallas, there were stores that sold all kinds of different flavored drinks with these ball thingys in them. People love 'em--I know that, but we do not. To me, it's like, "Hmmm, would I like my snot ball drink to have a lemony flavour or a hint of passionfruit?" It just ain't happening. So these dried-out phlegm pellets are getting chucked. (Do you think that sentence has ever been written before?)

Thus ends the first installment of Stuff We Have But Won't Eat. I feel so much lighter now. Hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have!