Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Wow! What a tantalizing offer! And with no strings attached.

As a pastor, Jason gets these kind of emails all the time. Usually, someone's wealthy uncle has died and his dying wish was to give millions of dollars to a church. Any church, chosen at random from the vast universe that is the world wide web. And if we will just forward our banking details, all this money could be ours. The generosity of strangers--of inexplicably wealthy strangers--never ceases to amaze us. And this latest email was quite touching:

Dear beloved
Please i am Miss Sharon Williams,Please I'm an Orphan and I am 18 years old,from Togo.Permit me,i want you to help me transfer my inheritance fund USD$1,300,000.00 to your account.I am willing to offer you 30%. i am the approved next of kin please help me Please send me this below information to send to bank to transfer my money inheritance to your account:
1.Your full Names:_____2.Your Email Address:_____
3.Your Country:________4.Your Tel____5.Your Nationality:____
6.Your Occupation:________7.Your Age:____
Thanks and God bless.
Miss Sharon Williams

Poor Sharon. An independently wealthy orphan with nowhere to deposit her money. She is alone on the island of Togo with nowhere to turn. We must help her! This email is a mishmash of two genres. The help-me-I'm-an-orphan approach and the someone-rich-died-and-I'm-the-next-of-kin spin. Obviously the writer needs a clearer vision. I mean, there's so many of these emails going around, don't you think there's like an online tutorial for them somewhere? Or maybe a seminar that people can attend? Let's be a little more creative, Sharon!

Unfortunately, we couldn't help Sharon. We have just wired our life savings to a bank account in Lagos. Y'all there are some exciting investment opportunities with Nigerian banks! You really should check it out.


  1. You're not going to help her?! Oh, how heartless. I mean, she's not just an orphan, she's an Orphan!

    Ah well, I guess she's not the only approved next of kin in the sea.

  2. Don't you just love her shaky,awkward sentence structure? I think it's disturbing to know that some people probably fell for this ruse. Kinda like people falling for" We Republicans REALLY want health care reform." Maybe I'm too cynical...

  3. I ain't no pastor but me gets them too:)
    who exactly falls for these anymore?

  4. I had to read this one out loud to Stephen. Amy, you never cease to make the ordinary so pleasant to read about. (Please write a book.)

  5. Amy, if you ever fall on hard financial times and ask God for help, He's gonna say, "Look, I sent you Miss Sharon from Togo and I sent you a whole host of Nigerian bankers and princes, and you rejected them all!"

  6. LOL Dave--that is a great point.

    And yes, I am mean. My heart is hardened to the point of not helping wealthy orphans. What's next? Puppies, probably.