You ever hear something come out of your mouth and think, "Whoa--that was surreal." Here's a sampler from the last couple days.
Things I Said...
"Nate, if you want a piece of chocolate cake, you have to stop licking your sister."
(To the other moms at school) "The doctor said the baby's head has moved up since he last checked. She is so grounded for the first five years."
(In answer to a question from Nate) "Because moms have boobies, that's why." (Don't ask)
(To Ava) "Dude, you gotta chill. I have no idea what disco you're talking about going to."
"Okay guys, let's keep our bottoms in our underwear where they belong."
And then there's times when you wanna just level with people, but it wouldn't be so appropriate.
Things I Wanted to Say...
(To Ava's ballet teacher after yet another correction about her ballet uniform) "Miss Priscilla, have you noticed that, (a) these are 5 year olds and (b) this is NOT the Joffrey Ballet? Can we all just take a pill, please? Pink leotard, pink tights, pink skirt? Check. Hair lacquered into bun with hairnet? Check. Pink ballet slippers? Check. Now go pas de deux or something and get off my back!"
(At the preschool management committee meeting that I'm chairing) "I really have no idea how I'm supposed to chair this meeting. I've never learned parliamentary procedure. But I am totally going to act like I know what's up, and smile alot, and hopefully you'll all be suckered!
(To Ava's student teacher) "Why, no, Miss S____, I'm not having twins. Yes, I know I look big, and how lovely of you to point it out in such an incredulous, eyes-popping-out-of-your-head kind of way. If you like, I can now comment on any part of your anatomy that you choose."
(To Jason) "Can't we just cancel small group and watch Life on Mars instead? God understands." (Even pastors have their moments!) Actually, I think I really did say this, or something very like it.
All in all, a good week. How's yours? Any quotable moments?