Friday, May 22, 2009

Things I Said This Week and Things I Wanted To Say

You ever hear something come out of your mouth and think, "Whoa--that was surreal." Here's a sampler from the last couple days.

Things I Said...

"Nate, if you want a piece of chocolate cake, you have to stop licking your sister."

(To the other moms at school) "The doctor said the baby's head has moved up since he last checked. She is so grounded for the first five years."

(In answer to a question from Nate) "Because moms have boobies, that's why." (Don't ask)

(To Ava) "Dude, you gotta chill. I have no idea what disco you're talking about going to."

"Okay guys, let's keep our bottoms in our underwear where they belong."

And then there's times when you wanna just level with people, but it wouldn't be so appropriate.

Things I Wanted to Say...

(To Ava's ballet teacher after yet another correction about her ballet uniform) "Miss Priscilla, have you noticed that, (a) these are 5 year olds and (b) this is NOT the Joffrey Ballet? Can we all just take a pill, please? Pink leotard, pink tights, pink skirt? Check. Hair lacquered into bun with hairnet? Check. Pink ballet slippers? Check. Now go pas de deux or something and get off my back!"

(At the preschool management committee meeting that I'm chairing) "I really have no idea how I'm supposed to chair this meeting. I've never learned parliamentary procedure. But I am totally going to act like I know what's up, and smile alot, and hopefully you'll all be suckered!

(To Ava's student teacher) "Why, no, Miss S____, I'm not having twins. Yes, I know I look big, and how lovely of you to point it out in such an incredulous, eyes-popping-out-of-your-head kind of way. If you like, I can now comment on any part of your anatomy that you choose."

(To Jason) "Can't we just cancel small group and watch Life on Mars instead? God understands." (Even pastors have their moments!) Actually, I think I really did say this, or something very like it.

All in all, a good week. How's yours? Any quotable moments?


  1. LOL! Let's keep our bottoms in our underwear! That's a keeper.

    Amy, what in tarnation is that Jesus and ballerina thing?

  2. So, Nate was pestering the tar out of Ava by licking her ? I love your comment! And what does Ava know about disco?? Very funny indeed. Now about the student teacher : she must be very young or not know the things one doesn't say to another person.It goes back to the thing that Bec told us long ago that people feel they can make ridiculous comments to a pregnant lady. Beats me.Love this post !

  3. Ha! I thought the things you actually said were much more fun than the things you held back. My fave is "I have no idea what disco you're talking about going to."

    It suggests that if she could have made herself more clear, you would have been up for a trip to the disco, maybe.

    And tell me more about this uniform "correction," because you know that is of great interest to me.

    And omg don't even get me started on the "are you having twins" comments.

  4. Yeah, I'm borrowing that "bottoms in our underwear line"! Great post!

  5. HILARIOUS. I can't wait to have kids so I can laugh all day like you do. :)
    Hey, like Nate, I'm an idealist too. :) Love you, Amy.

  6. Here's two quotes I heard from my little girl recently:

    "Will you please get these shoes off this knife for me?"
    (At least she used her manners)


    "These teeth do NOT work on this noodle!"