Monday, May 11, 2009

Is it Me or is it Him? It's Him, Isn't It?

This afternoon, Jason was heading out for an appointment. I said, as he was about to leave, "Babe, would you pick up some eggs on your way home?" "What's wrong with the ones we have?" "Well," I say, "This carton has a use by date of April 25, and this one has only two eggs left in it that are slightly cracked. You can't use eggs that have been cracked."

"I've been using them", he says, a martial gleam in his eye. He loves to rile me up. THEN, he says, "And what's wrong with the April 25th ones?" I say, "What's wrong is that it's now May 11th. I won't use those eggs. They are like mini-pandemics waiting to happen. I don't have any interest in getting The Salmonella." (I find that if you put "The" in front of any illness it makes it sound so much more threatening.)
Jason thinks that food poisoning can be avoided by sheer force of will. Like it's some sort of affected illness--like women in the 19th century who would succumb to "the vapours".

That's why he'll eat leftovers far after I would've chucked 'em in the garbage. However, I, after once having The Salmonella and seeing that germ guy on Oprah a few times, am more cautious. But April 25th eggs??? You gotta be kidding me.

It's a good thing Jason's such an amazing father, attentive, loving husband, good cook, and total biscuit. Cause I just don't know sometimes.


  1. Oh man that's funny! (And I agree about adding 'The' to an affliction. So much scarier/funnier.)
    And I know that gleam! For instance, it's the gleam Mark gets (and I can see it even when his back is turned) when he purposely takes off his socks in the living room and puts them beside his chair. Right in front of me! Gah!!

    As for the eggs. I'd say you could still bake with them, but is it really worth the risk for a pregnant lady?
    Before we got our own chickens we used to get our eggs from an old farmer lady over the hill. She used to store her eggs on a shelf in her basement. Mark didn't tell me that for a long time. But we never got sick either. I confess, I would't fret about leaving a newly minted egg out on the counter for a day or even two. Cracked eggs we sometimes use right away or give them to the dogs or pigs.
    I've been out in the country too long maybe...

  2. Avoiding food poisoning by force of will! That is so Jason. I'm sure he could probably shake off ebola.

    And I confess I would not have the slightest hesitation in using the April 25 eggs. I read somewhere that they are good like 60 days past that date! I dunno. Maybe in your delicate condition, just don't eat 'em, or only bake with them like Sara says.

    I envy you all your local food, Sara!

  3. Patrick totally scoffs at best before dates, and always uses a line that he stole directly from his father, which begins with a lot of unintelligible, muttered swear words in the most countrified Irish accent possible, followed by "In my day we didn't have best before dates, and we were fine."

  4. As one who has had The Salmonella...and a miserable, miserable, miserable experience it was...I am totally with you Aim!

    No need to take two weeks past the due date. Two days, past? Maybe. But not two weeks. I threw out mayo recently that had months left to go per the date because I thought it might have possibly smelled a touch funky.

    Give that boy a real good dose of full on food poisioning and I bet he'd change his ways!

  5. Amy, I'm totally with Jason! I suspect egg expiration dates were designed by the egg industry to sell more eggs! Or some sinister capitalist plot along those lines. Just like academic text books that are revised every two years unnecessarily after a new introduction! Don't buy into it! Plus, those dates are usually "best by" not "expires on". I keep eggs around for months and I've never had a problem. The cracks...well, that is probably a different story.

    Miss you!

  6. The vapours. I think I totally have that.

    I use the float test for my expired eggs: Bad eggs float in water; good eggs sink.

  7. What to do when you get the salmonella? Everyone knows the cure is to take a lap and walk it off.

  8. Amazing! I have the opposite problem: Michael throws stuff out a day *before* the expiration date because it's "close enough to be iffy."

    I use the "the" too -- with diseases and with drugs. And I like to pretend that English has the partitive article: "Yes, please. I'll take some of (all) the steak (that exists in the world)."

    Cassie: I love your method. Do you then burn the floating ones at the stake? :)

  9. You guys are hilarious! Okay, I will admit that I am probably a little overboard, but I am of the "better safe than puking" school of thought. I am sure I'm a sucker for the Egg Board--or whoever they are. But I like Cassie's egg test--though I'll probably forget what's meant by floating/sinking and poison everyone!

    And AEL--I didn't know you got The Salmonella, you poor dear.

  10. My mother poisoned our whole family before I was born and my brothers tell the story frequently to torment her so I am weird about old food. Plus I've actually HAD food poisoning once and that was plenty. My husband is one of those people who thinks it's okay to eat food that I consider way past borderline. Strangely, he's never had food poisoning, so what do I know.

  11. Jason never gets sick either! It's quite annoying, actually. Maybe it's due to the copious amounts of salsa he eats--maybe the spice just burns everything up??