Wednesday, February 2, 2011
A Monologue, AKA This is My LIfe Every 5 Minutes
Whatcha got there, Mom? A smoothie? Hey, that looks pretty good. You didn't think you were gonna get to drink that yourself, did you?
I want it. I want it now. Give it to me now, Mom. Now--very slowly: Take the glass, pick it up and hand it to me. Do you have any idea who I am? Do you have any idea what I'm capable of?
No. Nonono. You don't get it, do you? I don't want a "spoonful"! Spoonfuls are for suckers! Little baby, wimpy suckers! I want the whole thing. I don't care how big it is--you need to give it to me right now. I don't care if it spills, I like messes. Okay? Hand it over. C'mon.
Wait. You're photographing this? I don't believe it. We can't even have a simple disagreement without the whole world finding out! Give me that iPhone. I would like the phone in one hand and the smoothie in the other. It's that simple. After that haircut, it's the least you could do.