Thursday, February 18, 2010

I didn't mean to do it but I sorta did: A confession

This morning, I finished teaching my Scripture class at a local high school, grabbed Gracie from the girl that looked after her at the school for me, and rushed toward home to clean up the house and get her down for a nap. It had been one of those mornings where the breakfast dishes languish in the sink and everyone's pajamas rest wherever they were tossed while we all got ready. Congealed oatmeal is so fun to clean off a pot! And it's always a fun game to find where Nate left his undies. The trash can in the bathroom? The fridge? Never a dull moment! Anyway.

I remembered as I was driving home that I needed to run into the grocery store. I rushed in, carrying Grace on my hip and raced around, juggling the stuff that we needed. My phone rang, and assuming it was Jason, I answered it without looking at the screen. (Crucial mistake #1)

Instead of Jason's voice, there was a pause. And then, "Hello, is this Mrs. Amy Mispronunciation-of-last-name?" And instead of hanging up, I said, "Yes, it is." (Crucial mistake #2)

It was a guy calling from our old mobile phone carrier. Wanting to know why we switched. Keep in mind that we switched, like 2 years ago. And he wanted to discuss our reasons and, I'm sure, lure me back. It's like an old boyfriend who can't let you go. Wanting to dissect the relationship. Wanting you to come back. Whatever I've done, I'm sorry. Let's try again. Dude, move on. It's over. (None of this ever really happened to me. I was the one dangling after Jason forever. But I imagine this is what it's like.)

So, I don't know why we changed carriers. This is not in my sphere. See, Jason and I, we got some spheres. Some stuff he handles, some stuff I handle, some stuff we both handle. His sphere involves phones and internet providers and a proliferation of cables that we always seem to have around the house. I try not to ask too many questions. Just as he doesn't question when I come home with another throw pillow. There are some mysteries better left unsolved.

I told phone dude that I didn't know why we changed, I think I mumbled something about 3G service. (Crucial Mistake #3) "Really?" he said, "That's so interesting, because with us, blah blah blah..." It's at this point that I felt the will to live seeping out of my body. Grace was starting to try to pull my glasses off my face, I was losing my grip on my stuff, and my shoes were making my feet hurt.

"I'm sorry," I said, interrupting him, "I really don't know why we switched. My husband handles all of this." It's a sphere thing. You wouldn't understand. He asked to speak to Jason. "He's not with me. He's working." "Oh, okay," dude says. "Is there a number where I could reach him?" And here, as you might have guessed, is Crucial Mistake #4. Instead of saying no and hanging up, I gave phone dude Jason's number! I totally did--I admit it!

I believe the technical term for this is "throwing him under the bus". And my friends, there is nowhere for me to hide. I did it. So that means, for those keeping score, that in the past couple weeks I have: sent Jason off at 4am to split his toe open, made him endure my extreme rodent phobia, forgotten to get him a Valentine card, and now, given his mobile number to a telemarketer.

After I hung up and checked out at the store I sent Jason a sheepish text message. Don't you wish there was an emoticon for messages such as these?

"This guy from Optus is gonna call you and ask why we switched. I gave him your number. Sorry!! Had to get rid of him." And his reply? "Okay, love. No worries." What is not to love about this man? I think he puts up with me because I'm such a good speller and I correct all his typos.

And now, witness the murky depths of my own heart. Isn't the internet fun?


  1. See, I bet Jason actually enjoyed talking to that guy. And I bet Jason brightened that guy's day. You had to get rid of him somehow! I would have just interrupted with with an "I'm sorry but this isn't a good time and I am going to let you go now" and then I would have hung up. I'm really good at that. But what you did was fine, be absolved.

  2. We have the same spheres! My husband can spend 45 minutes on the phone with the cell provider getting us $3.95 off our bill every month. Me, my eyes glaze over when you say "cell provider." What you did was totally fine. I would've lost my mind, though, and probably would've been rude and said something like, "You know, I really have to take care of my child" and then hung up. I use the kids as excuses ALL the time.

  3. mean to tell me that our mobiles are not exempt anymore from them! I get enough on my landline!
    I'm sure Jason would have known exactly what to tell them, so I wouldn't worry too much:)

  4. Ahh... The world of spheres. I hate making phone calls to companies, offices etc to ask questions. Pretty much any thing that falls into my definition of a "difficult" phone call is handled by Tim. Tim, on the other hand hates forms. He is simply paralyzed by filling-out-form fear. I embrace the challenge that a good form can present and am therefore given the form sphere in our marriage. Our spheres work.

  5. I once had a telemarketer call me to try and get me to buy some credit protection plan and they were super aggressive. I should have just hung up, but I got sucked in to her game. At one point she asked to speak to my husband, because she was sure he'd understand the importance of the plan. I may or may not have reached through the phone to throttle her.

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  7. (spelling errors above...)
    That is too funny! I would have disconnected him. My hubs would have come up with some good stuff like "the current cell provider has less telemarketing".

  8. ha! We're both guilty of the occasional accidental bus under-throwing. It happens.
    In fact, come to think of it, we bought a pony that way. A pony!

  9. I agree with Becky, Jason was probably so kind to that guy that he didn't even care if you switched or not. Or Jason just had no trouble saying "no thanks." Funny.

    And I love that you pick on yourself, such an endearing quality ;).

  10. I find it incredibly endearing that you actually told the guy the truth. It's a very nice quality. But you should probably work on your "lying through your teeth" and "blowing the guy off" techniques.