Thursday, February 11, 2010

So it looks like this has become a thing. You know?

(Go here in case you don't know what I'm referring to in the title.)

Snippets of a conversation between Jason and I yesterday, before he left for the evening:

Me: Babe, could you get the tuna out of the pantry for me before you go?
Jason: Sure. Have you still not gone into the pantry?
Me: No. Well, yeah. I opened the door really quick yesterday to get some diapers out. But I could do it without actually walking in there. So I don't know if that counts.
Jason: Babe, you're gonna have to go in there eventually. All our food is in there.
Me: No, I don't. And they sell more food, you know.
Jason: Why don't you get the tuna with me? We'll go in there together. (Note: To his credit, his tone is only slightly condescending here.)
Me: No! I will eventually, okay? I just don't want to right now. I had a bad experience. (Note: We are always quoting that line from The Italian Job. Have you seen it? Where Mos Def's character says to Mark Wahlberg's character: "I don't do dogs. I had. a bad. experience."

Isn't that amusing? Our house is full of such witticisms and tomfoolery!)
Me: Can you just please get the tuna? I mean, do you realize that I get nervous opening, like, any cabinet in our house right now? I can't deal with the pantry yet!
Jason: Okay. I just think you're gonna have to take some baby steps toward working on this at some point.
(This makes me think of "baby steps" from What About Bob? but I'll spare you.)

You see, I know I'm going overboard about something when Jason starts to get all pastor-y on me. You know, counsel-y. His tone gets very calm and he says things like, "Your fear is real, but it isn't rational." And, "I know you're upset, but you're letting one isolated event cloud your whole perspective." Oooo! Mr. "affirm the emotions but point out the inconsistencies"! His eyes will be all full of compassion and he'll start troubleshooting. And I'll be all, wait a minute! I know what you're doing! You're pastoring me! I'm being counseled, aren't I?

(I am qualified to recognize this, you see. Because I have a bachelor's degree. In Psychology. Yes.)

And of course he's right, which makes it all the more annoying. That same evening, I was opening the drawer under our oven to get a baking sheet. As I pulled the drawer open, the pans in it shifted and made a clanking noise. I jumped in the air, and before I knew it, had slammed the door shut with my foot. Today I was driving, and something I had in a plastic bag on the front seat, fell to one side in the bag. I gasped and had to pull over and look in the bag and under the seat "just to make sure". I literally startled at my own shadow the other day. Maybe I'm starting to crack up. Do you think I'm starting to crack up? I think I'm starting to crack up.

So, make me feel better. What irrational thing heebie jeebies you? Doesn't have to be a rodent or bug issue. I know a person who is freaked out by feet. Doesn't like looking at feet, talking about them and definitely doesn't like them touching her. I also have a minor thing about koi fish. They were always in the pond outside my pediatrician's office when I was a kid, so now I associate them with feeling sick. When I see them, I always feel vaguely icky.

Well, I feel a little sheepish. I swear, in other areas I am, like, ultra-rational. So, so reasonable. So, spill it. What freaks you out?


  1. Zombies. And spiders. I have fewer encounters with the zombies, but I can freak myself out just thinking about them.

    I hope the barricade holds! ;)

  2. Roaches. OMG, yuck! The other day I walked into the room and screamed because Hank had left a black lego on the floor and I thought it was a roach. A roach coming to kill me.

    I am LOVING your characterization of Jason and his pastor-iness. Like, don't you try that with me buster.

  3. Well, when I was in seminary and I worked with the campus ministry, it seemed like everyone was turning into an "Amy." Everywhere you looked there was a new one; it was like people were being taken over. I was afraid I would find a pod in my room that would have someone in it that looked like me but was actually named Amy and it would take my place and I would disappear...

  4. Ah, good, it's always nice to sound nuts in the morning.

    So when someone sprays some sort of room spray, like Glade, or there's some terrible smell in the room in general, or someone walks by and smells strange, then I hold my nose and try not to inhale. I don't want to inhale the particles in the air... or something. I just have such an aversion to strong smells or perfume. It almost makes me mad when I smell it.

    Okay, nutso signing off.

  5. Want to feel better about yourself? I would rather find an armed burglar in my pantry than a
    rat. (There is no such thing as a mouse...they are all rats.) I think I can better anticipate the moves of a burglar.

  6. Amy, I TO-TA-LY get your fear. You can do all that rational thinking but it'll only do so much. You have been worrying about those rats for a while now, and it's kinda hard to forget them. It's real for you. For me, it's roaches. As you know, in the Deep South we have big mohunker roaches. They carry union cards- they are so big. I was sitting in the recliner years ago in my robe and looked down to see a big one coming up over my knee. I jumped up and started to dance and jump like one possessed. Dad had to hunt it down and kill it. I then threw away the robe, and it was months before I could sit in that chair again. Rational? Not really. But hey, that's how I roll. Don't even get me started on motel rooms with knotty pine paneling.....

  7. Keely--"I have fewer encounters with zombies"--LOL that killed me.

    And I agree on roaches (geez Mom, that's a freaky story) but I can deal with them much better.

    Friar, there certainly WAS a proliferation of Amys in our uni days. But they meant you good, not evil. Why didn't you trust them? Give way to the Amy. Join the collective.

    Wifey--that is really funny. I've never heard someone say it that way. But I can get it, esp with "bad" smells.

  8. Yeah, that is "exactly" how our rodent friend was getting into our place. And lucky me, I discovered it. I opened the door and saw that long, pointy tail dangling from the water heater pipe leading into the attic (I want to scream & shake just thinking about it). And like I said before Stephen could just flinch at me and I'd scream, for like weeks. You're not alone Amy, you're not alone.

  9. It's pretty standard, but it's spiders for me. Once, when I was home alone one night with my first baby asleep in the next room, I saw a spider on the ceiling. I got out the vacuum, but I was so terrified I couldn't get close enough-- even with the long attachment on it-- to actually suck it up. It took me a good 30 minutes before I was able to actually vacuum it. I stood there the whole time trying to get my courage up. The only reason I did it was because I knew I wouldn't be able to go to bed with it there. I've actually woken up cowering under my covers or trying to escape from the bed from having a dream that a spider was descending on me from the ceiling.

  10. Lady, I am afraid of the X-Files. When it was still fresh on the air, we would watch on Sunday nights and 9 times of 10, when we went to bed, I would be lying in the dark ... "Honey? ... Can you close the closet door?"

    I want to tell you, that when you see fur or hear a sound, or whatever, just tell yrself it is a fluffy bunny rabbit. In fact, I am sure whatever you saw when you saw that flash of fur was a fluffy, lost, bunny. "Omgz!" you can say. "However did that fluffy bunny rabbit find its way into our pantry?" Lots of people are in denial; make it serve you!

  11. My sister and I freak out over the little green lizards (anoles). They puff out their throats that turn bright red and their evasive techniques are highly developed. Once my mom was taking communion in church, one of those lizards jumped on her back from the altar rail. The minister managed to maintain control of the communion chalice and chase the lizard around Mom's back. The reptile was quickly escorted out

  12. I can't handle anyone flossing their teeth even remotely close to me. I am freaked that microscopic food particles will be coming at me at high velocities.

  13. Elle--that is a good one. X Files is creepy indeed! I have to be careful of what I watch on TV. And thanks for the bunny suggestion--I mean, who wouldn't want a little furry bunny in their pantry? Precious!

    Becca, you're actually probably right about the flossing, ya know.

    David--I actually thought about your bird issue while writing this post! The big ones around here scare me a little sometimes. How's that going for ya?

  14. I still hate them. And in California they'll land right on your dinner table. Stupid birds.

  15. Rebecca, SO with you there re the food particles.

    For me it's foam rubber. I can't stand to touch it, or the feel of it touching me. Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh. My brother used to chase me around the house with a block of it sometimes in a sadistic older-brother way. Now my husband has taken over the juvenile role of finding my horror ever-so amusing.

    I think you are well within your rights to have another year or maybe two of the heebies and jeebies about anything even remotely connected with the Infestation.

  16. ha! This was actually kind of fun to think about & fun bc I shared several with the group.

    Feet. Please don't touch me with your bare feet. Except maybe at the beach.

    Roaches. After living in TX I am ever so grateful we don't have those bloody 'waterbugs' up here.

    Those long-legged centipede thingies. Horrors! Horrors!

    "Bad" air. Wifey, totally! Or like if I am forced to go to Walmart during flu season. I wish I could wear a gas mask. I can just 'feel' the unhealthiness of the air!

    See! We're all perfectly normal!