Friday, January 29, 2010

This just in: I am selfish. And lazy--don't forget that part.

At about 4 this morning, I was lying in bed, vaguely awake. I think I was stirring cause I knew Grace would be waking up soon to eat, and my body has this annoying habit of waking in anticipation of that. Anyway, there I lay. There I lie? Lay. Whatever--there I be.

Then I heard Ava calling for us. She has been waking some at night since we got back from our trip, complaining about bad dreams. I think it's the residue of jet lag and overtiredness. I waited to see if Jason would wake up. He didn't. She called again. I thought, I really don't want to have to get up with her now and then again with Grace in the next 20 minutes or so. So--and tell me if you've ever done this, I woke Jason up. My soundly sleeping husband, who is always willing to get up to the kids. I was already awake--but I just didn't feel like moving. So I called his name till he awakened. Awoke? Whatever--he done opened his eyes.

Being the total mensch that he is, he immediately got out of bed and staggered down the hall. Any parents reading this are familiar with the 4am Stagger. You are unsteady on your feet, not fully awake, weaving back and forth. You would totally bomb a roadside sobriety test at this point.

In his weariness, he kicked the you-know-what out of a wooden box sitting in the hallway. It's a box of Grace's clothes that I'm sorting through and had temporarily left there. I heard him kick it--hard. Then I heard him go check on Ava. Then he didn't come back to bed. I waited. Five minutes went by. I got up and went downstairs. Jason was sitting on the kitchen floor looking through our first aid kit. He had totally split open his big toe on that stupid box! It looked nasty.

I felt awful. I'd been awake, I could've gone to Ava instead of asking Jase to, and I probably wouldn't have kicked the box. (Jason has a tendency to run into things--a story or stories for another post.) He asked for some pain medicine. I gave him some and then went back to bed, with him following soon after.

I woke up at 7 this morning to find that he'd had a bad reaction to the pain meds (they had codeine in them) and thrown up. While I slept on. Then--and this is the part that we both laughed at when he told me--he felt so bad he lay down on the kitchen floor, knowing he needed to eat something. That codeine on an empty stomach was bad news. But he felt too bad to stand up. So he scooted on his back over to the cabinet and grabbed the peanut butter and a piece of bread. There's Jason--it's 5:30 or 6 in the morning, his toe is stinging and aching, he's puking, and he's laying on his back in the kitchen eating a peanut butter sandwich. Oh, the memories you cherish.

Fortunately, I was considerate and gracious enough to get up with the kids and get them ready for school this morning so he could sleep in a bit. I know. Aren't I so benevolent? He is lucky to have me.

And for the next day or two, he'll remember that with every step he takes.


  1. oh, how I laughed at this! Poor Jason!

  2. Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. Poor dude! Yet, how resourceful of him! I have a feeling that if he'd needed to stitch his own toe, dig a snowcave, and build a fire, he could have done so, scooting around on his back.

    And I hope you feel properly chastened, missy! :)

  3. Good Gracious! I know there are always consequences to our behavior, but seriously! this seems a little extreme. Sorta like Jezebel's husband being eaten by dogs in the street cuz of her sin.(I hate that part) Yikes. Hang in there girl. Jason has 4 levels of ruggedness in his disposition, he probably won't even remember it tomorrow. It'll be but a flesh wound. :)

  4. Thank goodness it's not just me that makes my husband go to the children because I am also selfish. And lazy.

    Hope his toe is better soon and I think you can congratulate yourself for helping to make him the resourceful man he is today.

  5. I know well the 4am stagger! If that had been my husband in the dark, I would have heard more than a "thump". Muffled curses would have come forth fast and furiously!

  6. Do you remember on The Office at Jim and Pam's wedding where Jim cut his tie and Pam made the picture-taking-gesture thing?

    I think you had one of those last night.

  7. Oh, poor Jason!

    Who knew that one little wake up would end in such pain and misadventure!

    It's such an impressive story though, and he gets to be the resourceful hero, so, maybe not all bad...right? ;)

    [I've done that kind of wake up too, btw, so you're not alone!]

  8. don't feel so bad...I know you love Jason much the same and would do the same for him:)

  9. Jason really is a prince among men!! What a guy. Of course, he is also married to quite a spectacular woman so it looks like yall are the perfect match! I must confess that at times in my life I have pretended not to hear kids in the night so that Gary would get up with them. Does that make me a bad person???

  10. Wow. I laughed out loud at the sliding on his back over to the cabinet to grab some peanut butter and bread.

    Jack. Bauer.

  11. He must feel so loved right now! Poor guy. I guess you'll be getting up next time?

  12. I am sitting here trying to imagine what it would be like to be married to someone like that......who kills his toe on a wooden box left where it should not be and does not raise Cain. First he gets out of bed to see what lurks in a death trap. Then he leaps out to tend to children in need. You've got a great guy!

  13. I'm with Michele R, my husband would have been screaming his head off!

    He sounds like an excellent guy. You may need to grant him sexual favors as a payback!

  14. Yes, I feel chastened indeed, and thankfully his toe seems ok except for the two or three times that Ava has stepped on it! Dave--that made me laugh about Jack Bauer. I'll have to tell Jase that.

    Michele R and Gretchen--He really is a great guy! (Jason, I mean, though Jack B is too) And it made me feel worse in a way that he wasn't mad at me about it--know what I mean? He is such a grownup. And Gretchen, very true! :)

  15. Oh! What a hilariously pitiful post! I have feigned sleep on several occasions of child-waking but this might make me reconsider that approach.

    I hope Jason's toe mends quickly.

  16. I cringed at the thought of Jason hitting the crap out of his toe. Man that hurts ! But, I have to"fess" up. I used to feign sleep all the time and let Dad check on the kids. Maybe next time there won't be an obstacle course in the way. He is a great guy! We could have used his strength and go-get-it-done attitude this weekend shoveling snow to get the car out!

  17. Now that is a funny story! The picture of Jason on the floor is too much. The only bummer is that you didn't walk in on the scene.
    (We had a less heroic episode of that when Mark had sun poisoning/sun burn all over his back and lie squirming on the cellar floor looking for relief from the cool cement. How do you even think of that?)

    I have also pretended to be asleep during those early hour wakeups. I just do my best to rationalize it: I was the one who *had* to get up for all the nursing, so it's fair, right? Plus sometimes I just need someone else to find the vomit first, so I can steel myself for the cleanup.

  18. So, hypothetically, let's just say this story made you my hero. What would that say about me? That I, too, value sleep? That I'm lazy? That I shouldn't leave boxes laying around.

    Scratch all that....we'll just leave it at the "hero" part.