Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The Lizard Whisperer, or Now I Know Jesus Loves Me

Your sympathies, suggestions, snide remarks, and scary lizard stories during my recent episode with the bluetongued lizard have been much appreciated. I spent the day today with the knowledge that a growing, hiding lizard might or might not be in the pantry, under the pile of laundry I was picking up, or as my friend Jody suggested, in the dishwasher. A great day, indeed.

This evening, I was in the kitchen chopping veggies (like the virtuous wife I am) when Jason walked through and gave me a Meaningful Glance. No, not that kind of Meaningful Glance. He knows better than to give those kind of glances at 5pm when dinner needs to be made, baths given, and the kids are like wild savages. Jason has a whole range of meaningful glances. Well, actually, just one kind. But this one was different. He reached down, opened a cabinet and got a colander and a plastic pitcher out. Walking back to the living room, he said, "Ava, I've got a surprise for you that I think Mom will like, too."

"SHUT UP.", I gasped. "Shut up. You did not just find that lizard." He smiled at me, and headed for the living room. I dropped my veggies and followed. And there, I kid you not, he pointed to this:

(Sorry--for some reason, can't get this photo to turn clockwise. Go on, turn your head.)

There he was, hiding under the little table that holds our DVD player and other TV stuff. A great light from heaven seemed to shine down upon my husband's head. "How did you KNOW?" I said. "It just occurred to me that he might be here," Jase said. "It's one of the warmest places in the house. So I looked, and there he was."

I was in awe. It was like the time he jimmied the stuck back window of our old truck open with a coat hanger and some duct tape. BUT BETTER. "Jesus told you where that lizard was," I whispered. (I really did. And if you know me at all, you know that I really believe it, too.)

So, he coaxed/forced the lizard out and into the pitcher.

(There's Ava giving me almost as much attitude as the lizard.)

Boy, was that little guy ticked off. It actually hissed at us!

(Here he is hissing at me--just take my word for it.)

But I was all goodwill toward the lizard now that he was caught. We fed him some grapes and set him free in the bushland across the street. (I've learned that you actually have to have a permit to keep a bluetongued lizard as a pet, so really, it's better this way.)

How does the old saying go? If you're totally freaked by something, set it free. If it comes back to you, go all medieval on it. If it doesn't, relax, and enter your pantry without fear. Something like that. Anyway, I told Jason that, Meaningful Glance or not, great will be his reward. Oh dear diary! Did I just say that outloud?


  1. woohooo, i'm glad you caught it, now it won't eat you, or your family. i think it's time to give Jason a meaningful glance.

  2. I take back any "not appropriate amount of sympathy" I may have displayed in my previous comment.

    Seeing the picture of it actually amongst your household items grossed me out completely! Eeeeeewwww!!!!
    You poor thing!

    Jason truly is a KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR. Jason, you get 5 gold stars in my book!

  3. He is the Lizard Whisperer! That dude is awesome. Were the kids okay with letting the lizard go, or did they want to keep it?

    I wonder if, five minutes after you let it go, it was eaten by some other frightening Australian fauna.

  4. Not to worry. Australia will just make lizards and fauna to eat them.

  5. Husbands-ya gotta love 'em.I've always depended on W. for all my insect/reptile/critter invaders. And he has never let me down.Very funny post.

  6. I'd be hissing, too, if someone pried me out of my warm sleeping place and stuffed me in a juice jug.

    But glad you caught him ;)

  7. Jody, you are hilarious! Your previous comment was entirely appropriate. And I never knew about your dishwasher lizard--the least of your worries, I'm sure, while living in the 'hood. ;) Mwah!

    The kids were okay with letting him go, NOT that they really had a say in the matter.

    Hi Keely! I know--he did get "handled" a little bit for sure. I tried to make up for it with lots of grapes!

    And as for being eaten by a larger lizard, it's entirely possible! Our neighbors told us the other day that there is a BIG lizard that they've seen several times in their yard, and we've actually seen him in the wooded area across the street--he's like 3-4 feet long. I'm cool with it as long as he stays outside! :)

  8. Reptilian prophecy?! That's amazing. I would have been just as creeped out and equally as excited to see him go.

    And grapes would have been my first choice too. They always bring my kids' hissing to an immediate halt. (But then again, my kids like charcoal so that's not sayin' a whole lot...)

  9. I am sorry I was not more sympathetic too:) I was just kidding anyway! I would have been freaked out too!
    Glad he's out in the bush for your sake!