The Lizard Whisperer, or Now I Know Jesus Loves Me

Your sympathies, suggestions, snide remarks, and scary lizard stories during my recent episode with the bluetongued lizard have been much appreciated. I spent the day today with the knowledge that a growing, hiding lizard might or might not be in the pantry, under the pile of laundry I was picking up, or as my friend Jody suggested, in the dishwasher. A great day, indeed.

This evening, I was in the kitchen chopping veggies (like the virtuous wife I am) when Jason walked through and gave me a Meaningful Glance. No, not that kind of Meaningful Glance. He knows better than to give those kind of glances at 5pm when dinner needs to be made, baths given, and the kids are like wild savages. Jason has a whole range of meaningful glances. Well, actually, just one kind. But this one was different. He reached down, opened a cabinet and got a colander and a plastic pitcher out. Walking back to the living room, he said, "Ava, I've got a surprise for you that I think Mom will like, too."

"SHUT UP.", I gasped. "Shut up. You did not just find that lizard." He smiled at me, and headed for the living room. I dropped my veggies and followed. And there, I kid you not, he pointed to this:

(Sorry--for some reason, can't get this photo to turn clockwise. Go on, turn your head.)

There he was, hiding under the little table that holds our DVD player and other TV stuff. A great light from heaven seemed to shine down upon my husband's head. "How did you KNOW?" I said. "It just occurred to me that he might be here," Jase said. "It's one of the warmest places in the house. So I looked, and there he was."

I was in awe. It was like the time he jimmied the stuck back window of our old truck open with a coat hanger and some duct tape. BUT BETTER. "Jesus told you where that lizard was," I whispered. (I really did. And if you know me at all, you know that I really believe it, too.)

So, he coaxed/forced the lizard out and into the pitcher.



(There's Ava giving me almost as much attitude as the lizard.)

Boy, was that little guy ticked off. It actually hissed at us!

(Here he is hissing at me--just take my word for it.)

But I was all goodwill toward the lizard now that he was caught. We fed him some grapes and set him free in the bushland across the street. (I've learned that you actually have to have a permit to keep a bluetongued lizard as a pet, so really, it's better this way.)

How does the old saying go? If you're totally freaked by something, set it free. If it comes back to you, go all medieval on it. If it doesn't, relax, and enter your pantry without fear. Something like that. Anyway, I told Jason that, Meaningful Glance or not, great will be his reward. Oh dear diary! Did I just say that outloud?