In the ancient Hebrew Scriptures, the prophet Jeremiah says the message God has given him to speak is like "a fire shut up in my bones". "I am weary of holding it in," he says, "Indeed, I cannot."
Dudes, I so feel his pain. I have been holding this in for awhile now, but much like that venerable prophet of old, I can withhold no longer. For the past several years, over countless trips to the mall and out and about, mine eyes have beheld images like this:
And I just have to say. At what point, in what universe, at what young-dude convention was it decided that this is a good look? For anyone? Cause I'm just sayin'--it ain't. I don't care if you're the Jonas Brothers or Ashlee Simpson's hubby what's-his-name, those tapered leg tight jeans are LAME. Okay? You look like a girl. And not a cute girl, either. And that thin white belt you're wearing with it isn't helping.
I recognize that their might be a generation gap here. After all, I am the ripe old age of 32. HOWEVER, I felt vindicated last week when I was getting my hair done, and the girls who worked in the salon (20 and 17, respectively) were complaining that their boyfriends liked to wear skinny jeans. "Nobody looks good in those things, especially guys," one of them said. "Yes!", cried my soul deep within me. I rose out of the hair washing basin, drips flying. "FOR REAL!", I exclaimed, "I have been thinking this for years." It was a true meeting of the minds. A cross-generational clasping of hands. We nearly burned our bras right there.
But we didn't. Cause that would be a bad idea. Much like guys wearing skinny jeans is a bad idea. It looks lame, it's kind of emasculating, and, with that kind of tightness, I worry for their future virility. I'm just saying.
If any skinny jean wearing dudes are reading this, please don't be offended. I say all this in love. If you won't change for yourself, do it for your children to come. And in the meantime, you'll make my trips to Target or McDonalds that much better.
--To my good friend Holly, whose 6 year old asked for a pair of skinny jeans, I'm not talking about him. But I might be in ten years' time.