Chrishaps!

I'm sitting here at the window, blogging by the light of our LED icicle lights. Nothing says "Christ is born" like dangly lights you can see from space! Jason put them up yesterday, and they are so bright. I'm worried we're going to accidentally divert air traffic to our balcony. Last night, I sat up way too late watching TV, cause I didn't realize how late it was...the Christmas lights were so bright outside that it made it seem much earlier in the evening. Ha. They are probably a bit much, but our neighbors have them too, so I figure we can look crazy and over the top together.

That got me thinking today about Christmas mishaps...hey, this'll be fun--let's call them "Chrishaps!" Where's that little "TM" symbol when you need it? Whether through excitement, mistake, or zeal; weird stuff goes down during the holidays.

Today, Grace and I went to the shopping centre. I was trying to distract her from crying and being grumpy. It didn't really work, if you're keeping score at home. Her rough night last night may have actually been due to something, as she's been pulling at her ear this afternoon. But anyway! There are these nativity scenes that are everywhere right now--in most shopping centers that you go to. They're all exactly the same. They must be made by the same people and then perhaps donated out? Cause I see them everywhere. I'll never forget, one year when Nate was small he saw one and ran to it shouting, "Look! It's baby Moses!"

Of course, I was impressed by the fact that, even at 3, he understood that Moses was a biblical "type", a foreshadowing of Jesus. Most preschoolers don't have that depth of biblical interpretation. We are very proud.

So today, Grace and I walked up to look at the nativity scene. Anything strike you as odd? Well, aside from the fact that Mary and Joseph are dressed like a wealthy folks from the Renaissance era? As far as I know, Palestinian teenagers didn't really wear velvet. The dry cleaning bills were too expensive. No, to me it's the sheep! That's like the hugest, puffiest sheep I've ever seen! I don't know if it seems this way in the photo, but it looks like the birth of the Christ child is being invaded by livestock with glandular problems. It's kind of distracting.
Look at that! Those sheep are about to knock Joseph over and make off with the myrrh! I stood there today, taking a few photos and remarking on the size of the sheep till Grace started pulling on my dress, going, "Mama--home. Home!" I guess I got a little carried away.

Speaking of carried away, I thought of another chrishap (y'all wait--it's gonna catch on!) today. A few years ago, Becky and I were shopping in TJ Maxx right before Christmas. When I visit the States, we take several late night trips there to caress the handbags and such. Anyway, we were in the back of the store, and started looking at this rack of very festive Christmas shawls. Actually, they were more like capes. They were really elaborate! Some were velvet or satin, many were even edged with faux fur. All these rich, jewel tones. We were holding a couple, looking through the racks. A little mystified at how fancy they were--like, where would you wear these? A holiday opera, perhaps?

And then we realized.

They weren't capes. They were Christmas tree skirts. Can you imagine if we'd bought one to wear? Scarlett O'Hara wearing the drapes comes to mind! Or even better, Carol Burnett as Scarlett wearing the drapes.
Ha! Hilarious. We felt a little sheepish. Chrishaps!

And let's not forget, my brother Dave's HOLIDAYS! sweatshirt from years ago. If you haven't before, please give yourself an early Christmas pressie and go read Becky's post about how and why my brother made this sweatshirt back in college. Keep in mind, he and his friends did this before those "ugly Christmas sweater parties" were popular. Just gluing and cutting felt, like college dudes do. Festive for the holidays! That has to be one of my all-time favorite chrishaps.

So go on, then! Any favorite chrishaps to share? Any ill-advised house decorations, gifts, or crazy stuff you've seen while about? Tell all.

--You guys! I made it! I blogged every darn day in November. It's been fun chatting with y'all. Thanks for indulging me. Tomorrow is December 1st--the first day of summer in this part of the world. School is out in about 2 weeks, Christmas is coming, good things are on the horizon! I'll be back real soon. Now, please return your tray tables to their upright positions and turn off your electronic devices.

xoxo, Amy

Reasons your 2 year old is waking up at night

1. She's mulling over your earlier conversation about playing with scissors. She feels misunderstood.

2. You didn't shell out the big bucks for one of those fancy organic crib mattresses. And now she's dealing with all those synthetic fibers. Why are you so cheap and selfish?

3. She can't get over it: Why doesn't Big Nutbrown Hare just give up, and allow Little Nutbrown Hare to say he loves Big Nutbrown Hare the most? Why this constant one-upmanship? Is this some sort of love competition? It just feels wrong, that's all.

4. It's hot, could you turn the fan on? Oh, now it's too windy--could you angle it a little bit? Wait, you angled it too much. Could it be aimed from my toes to my stomach, but not above? I'm sorry...this really isn't going to work.

5. Well, you didn't really meet her needs all that well today, did you? And now she's waking up in that darkened room and feeling lonely. That's probably because of some way that you messed up. Maybe you could've hugged her a little more, and prevented that. Nice work, You.

6. She knows you're trying to finish that episode of 30 Rock.

7. She refused to eat her dinner...and then you were tyrannical and didn't let her have a brownie. She might be hungry and it's your fault. Maybe you should drag her out of bed and feed her.

8. There is an international sleep strike planned among 2 year olds, and she is the union vice president. It's amazing that you haven't figured that out by now. All those back room planning meetings and such. Sucker.

9. Let's be honest, it's kind of fun to watch you grope around in the dark for her pacifier. She hides it before you get in there.

10. She's messing with your head.

Wow. Well, that was very healing.

Last week I took Grace to our local garden centre, which has a cafe and indoor playground. Just outside the cafe is a pond with ducks in it. Grace loves to go out there and I always resist it. Why? Cause that pond has koi fish in it.

I can't stand koi fish. They totally gross me out. This is my confession.

Are you repelled by something for no real reason? For me, it's koi fish. At this particular little pond, the fish are used to getting fed, so they swarm at this one area. Grace always goes and stands there. She bends down against the railing, talking to them, and wants me to bend down too. "Ugh, Grace--I am so grossed out right now. Can we just go back to the playground? Please?" (Sometimes I find myself talking to her like she's an adult.) "No!" she says, pointing at the water, "Stay fish!" She is only satisfied if I squat down next to her, down near the surface of the water. And those fish, so big and squirmy and orange...their mouths gape open and rise above the surface of the water. Open and close, open and close. Their big black eyes stare at me vacantly. Stop staring at me, freaky fish! Ugh, it skeeves me out all over again just writing about it.

Okay, seriously--those gaping mouths, and how they just swarm around each other! And they look at you all askance like that? Gross, right? It gives me the shivers. Never trust a koi fish.

For years now, whenever I'd be around one of those decorative pond things that had koi in them, I'd feel this vague uneasy feeling. I just didn't like them, and they creeped me out. But I didn't know why. Oh, the unsearchable depths of the human heart. Am I right, guys?

Then one day, I remembered. As a kid, my pediatrician's office was in a medical centre. The grounds outside it were landscaped quite nicely, with a garden and little waterways. There were little wooden footbridges over the water that you'd take to get into the building. And, I hope you don't mind taking this painful journey with me, but you know where this is going don't you?

In these little ponds outside the doctor's office were koi fish. Those squirmy, wormy, gape-mouthed fish. And we'd always stop and watch them swim around. As a kid, I don't remember being bugged by them. But I think, that over the course of years I must've associated seeing them with feeling crappy. Every time I had an ear infection, a sore throat, a stomach bug, or needed immunizations, I saw koi fish. Just there, swimming and looking at me while I felt so yuck.

Those stupid, stupid, ugly, stupid head fish.

LOL, guys! I'm kidding. A little. Except for the part about koi fish being totally disgusting. That's no joke. The human brain is a strange thing...I actually feel physically uncomfortable when Grace and I are there at that little pond, watching the fish. It's like this visceral reaction that I have to being around them. And I'm always relieved when I can finally convince her to go elsewhere.

What about you? What grosses you out that everyone else is cool with? Is it feet? Black olives? Soggy cereal? Dental floss? This is a safe place. Let's just get the feelings and emotions flowing up in here.

Just Some Facts

Things I Will Do Until The Sun Burns Down to a Tiny, Crispy Nugget:

1. Make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches

2. Sweep. Oh my gosh with the sweeping. Sweeping up crap, all the day.

3. Pick up lego pieces.

4. Okay, I lied about number 3. How about: sweep lego pieces out of the way with the side of my foot, so that no one steps on them and teaches Grace new words to say.

5. Look for my glasses.

6. Watch Jane Austen film adaptations on YouTube.

7. Match up renegade socks.

Scientific Facts I Have Learned:

1. If your children are screaming, yet the door is closed between you and them, it's like the screaming isn't happening.

2. The kind of snacks you have in your diaper bag at any given moment will, by virtue of their existence in space and time, be the absolute wrong snacks to have at that time. You should have brought the other ones. And now, everything is so awful and it's your fault. How does that feel?

3. Steve from Blue's Clues is only cute because you've been watching him for 4 episodes straight. No, Jason would not look good in a green striped rugby shirt. Take it out of your online shopping cart.

4. Okay, fine. Steve from Blue's Clues is kind of cute in a nerdy, earnest kind of way. On the purely objective Kids' TV Host Attractiveness Scale (KTVHAS), he skews slightly higher than DJ Lance but doesn't rate as high as Matt from Play School. Oh, hi Matt. Didn't realize you were here.

Science, you guys. It's science, okay?

5. Okay, this is called logic. Are you ready? Thinking about doing something around the house is basically the same thing as doing it. Cause it's, like, rehearsal. Sometimes rehearsals are more laid back and fun, cause people are more relaxed in them. Therefore, ergo, and in summation, thinking about doing something around the house is better than actually doing it.

6. The amount of fun being had between siblings is directly proportional to the amount of tears and tattletaling that is about to happen in the immediate future.

These are definitely things we can know for sure.

I really don't even know.

Tonight was our belated Thanksgiving celebration at our friends Holly and Jeremy's place. Holly is from Huntsville, Alabama and Jeremy is from New Zealand. She's an amazing cook and, on her last trip to the US, filled her suitcase with everything needed for a full-on Southern American feast. French fried onions, pie crusts, Caro syrup, cornmeal, even Thanksgiving-themed plates and napkins! Impressive, indeed. It was delicious, made even more so by the fact that we knew were getting to do something out of the ordinary. Though, since Costco has opened here, some brands we miss are a little easier to come by. And at the party tonight, rumors spread like wildfire that Dr. Pepper is now available in the International section at one of the major supermarkets here! Not that I really like Dr. Pepper! But still! I could drink it if I wanted to!

Jason was out all day for a men's retreat at church, so the kids and I mostly stayed home and I cooked. Nate had two back-to-back birthday parties, and I babysat my friend's two kids. It was slightly nuts but not too bad. Oh--and apparently Grace is auditioning for the sequel of Black Swan, cause she came downstairs like this:

Yeah, she found my mascara--my good one, too. I still don't know where it is.
Just do what she wants and no one gets hurt. Yikes, that photo does look a little bad seed-ish, doesn't it? I say that in love.

And in conclusion, I will now tell you that my abdominal muscles are still sore from a Sh'Bam class that I took on Monday. Remember Sh'Bam? It's the dance aerobics class where the instructor told us to stir the pot with the spoon up our rears? Yeah, you should go read that.

Anyway, I really threw myself into this one move (Not the spoon one! Yikes!) and I'm still paying for it, 5 days later. What can I say? I'm committed to my art. Oh! There is this one guy in there though, who is selling it, y'all! I mean, he really loves this class! He's the only dude in there, but is very flamboyantly into it. Both times I've been there, he ends up next to me, and the whole time, makes these little "whoosh" sounds through his teeth. Like sound effects for the dance moves. I know! And he does jazz hands, too. He also wears white knee socks. the ones with the colored stripes at the top. I'm not making this up. It is kind of awesome to see.

The world really is full of interesting people. I would just like him to give me a little more dance space, is all. I know this is all off-topic, but I have really needed to talk about this to someone.

Well, this is less like a blog post and more like a brain dump. It must be the effect of the sweet potato casserole, pumpkin pie, and creamed corn that I ate tonight as if the world were ending tomorrow. It's like I don't even know what I'm going to say next. Are you doing okay? Anyone dancing all up in your area? Yeah, that can be rough.

Somebody else's photos

When we moved here in 2005, we didn't bring much with us. We gave away or sold most of our furniture, stored some things in our parents' garages, and packed 10 big boxes of stuff to bring over. Most of that was clothes and books. The only furniture we brought with us was Ava's crib and a big comfy rocking chair that I loved. Over the years, we've furnished our house with Ikea purchases, garage sale finds and even a little curbside shopping. (Read about some great finds here.) And although I miss my big comfy armchair that I had back in Dallas, and our dining room table, I haven't really thought about it much.

One thing that we don't have much of here is photos from our childhoods. Most of those are still with our parents, and every now and then it strikes me that I really need to get them to send me some. Take photos of the photos or something. Hmmm, I probably should've thought of that when we were there...oh, 6 weeks ago. Sheesh. I need a personal assistant or something. I do have a few of my childhood. I had my mom send me this one when I realized how much I looked like Grace as a baby:Nakey baby alert! Anyway, I was pleased to see that Jason brought back a stack of photos from his parents with him when he arrived a couple of weeks ago. I think one of my projects for next year (ha! as if I'm that organized!) is gonna be to get some of our photos together. The kids love to see them, and so do we.

I hope you'll indulge me in posting some of these...but hey, it is a personal blog, right? And what could be more personal? Plus, hey! I'm blogging everyday--yay! Here's a great one of Jason's parents at their wedding: Love it! Look at that veil--so pretty, I think. And her hair! How did she get it to go so high without the benefit of a bumpit?? There must be some sort of canned good hiding in there or something.

I loved this one of Jason, too...I see him still make this intent, determined expression all the time.Of course, now expressions like this are not usually directed at sand castles, but at Grace when she is screaming and pounding her tiny fists into the floor. Or when he is on the phone with our internet service provider, trying to get a better deal. Nate makes this face, too.

Jason and I met because he transferred to our university to be a part of the swimming and diving team. He began diving when he was 12 (I think?). It was such a central aspect of his life when we met, and long before. (By the way, he's asleep right now...I hope he doesn't mind me posting these. "Hey babe, I put your speedo-ed butt on the interwebs!")

Boring! Like, I can totally do that. No really, photos from my life at this stage wouldn't be nearly as interesting. "Um, here I am at the school spelling bee. Here's me at the spelling bee the following year." "Here I am, about to finish a Star Trek: The Next Generation novel." I mean, I did stuff...it just didn't photograph as well.

I need to do a better job of keeping up with old photos of us. I remember as a child, looking at my parent's pictures. It's probably time we had some of ours as well. This probably sounds weird...in my mind, that's one of the things that signifies you're a grownup big person--that your parents don't hang on to all that stuff for you anymore. I mean of course they have it too, but at some stage it needs to be yours, too. Mom, that does not mean I want you to send me all my high school essays. Or that cat lifestyle magazine Betsy and I made that one time. Some things are better left hidden away forever.

What signifies "grownupness" to you? Please, I could use the help.

Merry, Merry King of the Bush is He

Do you know that song? "Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree..."? I don't know how we knew it, but we sang it in my little Florida elementary school, along with reading the book "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day". You know, the one where Alexander goes on and on about what a terrible day he's had, and the refrain is, "I think I'll move to Australia." Because to him--and to us at that time, I guess--Australia seemed about the farthest place in the world from where we were. A place to get away from everybody who was bugging you.

It's funny how life sends you little previews of what's to come sometimes. Like in 1999, a few months before we got married, Jason remarked to me, "I wouldn't mind ending up in Australia someday." This because he'd met some really cool Aussies while backpacking in Europe. (Note: Aussies are probably the most fun travel-buddies ever. Plus, they're everywhere in Europe: fact.)

And when he said that, it just seemed like the most far-fetched thing ever. I dismissed it without another thought. Hah!

Anyway--the kookaburra! Today, Grace and I were sitting out on our balcony when one landed on the railing. This isn't all that uncommon really, but I pointed him out to her. We see them regularly, but not always up close like this. And this guy was less shy than most, he hung around for awhile.

Grace decided to walk down to that end of the balcony and say hello. Literally; "Hi, bird."

As Jason was taking this photo, I realized that kookaburra was really eyeing the bread she had in her hand. And I remembered a couple years ago when we went to the zoo, a kookaburra had swooped down at the food court and stolen a chicken nugget right out of Nate's hand. The ethics of a kookaburra eating chicken notwithstanding, Nate had been pretty startled that day! And the way this one was eyeing her snack, I thought he was about to do the same. See? I don't know if you can tell from the photo, but he was totally zoning in on it. So I went over and grabbed it from her and took it inside.

About an hour later, Grace was inside, sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch. I wasn't in the room, but Jase said the kookaburra came back and landed on the railing again--right outside the (closed) sliding glass door. He said the bird just sat there, looking in while she ate. Hmmm, can birds be wistful?

Sorry, mate. No PB&J for you. Just a few dozen more of you and we'll have an Alfred Hitchcock movie on our hands.



--Hey! Are you Thanksgiving-ing? If so, happy day to you! Ingest large amounts of casserole, cornbread and turkey on my behalf. And tell someone you're thankful for them. Just like I am for you. Awwww. xoxo