Thursday, August 4, 2011

Eggceptional Effort

Last Monday, I was out on our balcony enjoying the sunshine when I noticed a bit of broken eggshell on the ground by my foot. I picked it up to throw it away, wondering how it'd gotten there. I figured that Grace had perhaps dug it out of the trash and carried it outside. Something that is entirely within the realm of possibility. Especially because when you ask her to take anything to any place: the cup to the sink, the phone to Daddy, the cookie to Nate; she marches right over to the garbage can, lifts the lid, and chucks it in. You'd think I would learn to stop giving her errands.

I didn't think about it again till a couple hours later, when walking through one of the rooms that fronts our balcony, I noticed a huge splat-like smear on the sliding glass door. Aha! Someone threw an egg at our window. Weird. We'd been out pretty much the whole day Sunday, so I wasn't sure if it had happened on Saturday night or Sunday night.

Later that afternoon, I was telling Jason about it. "What kinda creeps me out, " I told him, "is that someone would've had to come all the way up onto our driveway in order to hit the window." You see, our house is on a steep hillside--the driveway is about 12 feet below our house and wraparound balcony, and the street is about 30 feet below that. I just couldn't picture someone tossing an egg from the road, given the distance and the angle, and hitting our window. But then again, I got a D in Physics, so what do I know? (For instance, I don't even know if that's Physics. Geometry? Poultry Sciences?)

I made the driveway comment, and Jason shook his head. "Babe," he said in the way he says it when he's going to school me. "Someone could easily chuck an egg from the street and hit our window. There's no way they were on our driveway." "Do you really think so?" I said, "Cause it just seems like such an awkward throw. I don't know..." "Oh yeah," he said, "Totally do-able."

Of course, you see where this is going, right? "Well," I said, "If it's so easy let's see you go out there and get 'er done. If you think you can." And then Jason answered in this robotic voice: "CANNOT RESIST CHALLENGE TO MASCULINITY. ATHLETIC PROWESS THREATENED. MUST THROW EGG. MUST CHUCK EGG. MUST GO NOW."

Okay, that last part didn't happen. But you know how dudes can get. Of course, I told him as he was gathering a couple eggs that this endeavor was crying out to be blogged. Full disclosure and all.
Here he is, in position. I took this from the driveway, looking down, so keep in mind he's gotta throw it farther up and over.

And the wind-up...crack! A lone egg flew threw the air, making up to the level of the driveway, but smashing on the tire of our car...not at all high enough to sail over the balcony railing. I laughed loudly. Like, it echoed. Who knew egging houses was so much fun? Being the competitive guy he is, there was no way Jason was stopping now. By this time, Ava and Nate noticed something going on. So they joined Jason for his next attempt. (This is the vantage point from the balcony. Do you love how technical I'm being? I should do a graph or something.)

Round 2...oh no! This one landed just to the right of where the first one hit. A big disappointment for Mr. Cavalier egg chucker down there. Maybe this egg tossing isn't so simple, hmmm? By this point, I am laughing so hard--I think it was some sort of catharsis for me--and Grace is crying in my arms cause why is Daddy throwing stuff at us? But Jase had to give it one more go.

And...better this time--he made it up and over the railing, but failed to hit high up on the window where the initial egg had hit. Instead, it hit the floor.

Awww. Wop wop, Jason. In the battle between you and Egg Physics and/or Geometry, looks like you lose. Ouch. That must hurt, confronting your own limitations like that.

Of course, he called out from the street, "I need to give it one more go!" Ava was dispatched to get a fourth egg. "Babe!" I called down, "We shouldn't--these are free range!" If I'd known we were gonna be egging our own house today, I would've bought the cheapie cage eggs.

So, as it stands...we're still not sure what happened on that fateful night some ruffian egged our house. Although our friend Andy pointed out, perhaps they did it from the street with a catapult or a slingshot? The world may never know.

But what you lose in egg inventory, you gain double in laughing at your husband. And that, my friends, is Physics.


  1. He has to try it from a moving vehicle. It's all about conservation of angular momentum and parabolas. Borrow your neighbor's ute and let Jason stand in the back and have a go. Use the cheap eggs, because it may tale several passes.

  2. Amy, this is an eggceptional post! I loved the image of Gracie throwing everything in the trash. Such a helper, huh? I laughed at your description of Jason's look when he's about to school you. I have seen that look too. What is it about men when they feel challenged to a feat? Makes for great reading, though. I imagine that Ava and Nate were loving this discussion too. Free range eggs- that cracked me up!(pardon the pun.) All in all a great sunny-side-up post. I love getting up to see a new post from MDU.

  3. Ha! Sounds like you need to buy a whole carton of cheapie eggs to finish out your physics experiments. It's an important educational expense. ;-)

  4. I have to concede that the first two throws were not impressive and I know my wife enjoyed that thoroughly seeing that I was pretty confident I would get it on my first go with out a problem. Yes, my pride was slightly damaged. Yet, I feel a little misrepresented on that third and final throw. I was aiming for the balcony wall between the windows (as not to break a window) and that is where it hit. One more throw :) that's all it would have taken. I am picking up some cheap eggs today. Who's coming over? We can all have a go.

  5. I am just in hysterics at you guys egging your own house. The terrorists have won.

    Amy, I can't believe you let him throw the expensive eggs! Def buy the unhappy chicken eggs for the next go-round.

    And I also can't believe Jason didn't throw the whole dozen until he got it.

    And I don't see how anyone could hit your window from the street. I think they came up on your driveway. Awesome post.

  6. Hilarious, you guys. Do you have any idea who did the egging? I mean, the first egging?

  7. Spot on delaine, that WAS eggceptional!
    He who throws the egg cleans up the egg

  8. I am laughing so hard! I can't believe you guys did this!

  9. I wish I could be there for the next go at it. Jason I know you were just getting warmed up so my money is on you for the next go. If you can get egss that one end is more pointed than the other and throw it with the pointed end leading the charge your velocity will increase thus go further and straighter. Not sure what kind of a chicken will extrude one shaped like that.

  10. All I have to say is that I wish I grew up in the Hubbart home! You guys are hilarious.

  11. This is such a funny post. I love imagining the battle between suburban husband and Egg Physics. Awesome.