Wednesday, September 16, 2009

A Plague Upon My House

Sometimes you don't know that you ought to have been thankful for something not happening until that something happens. Y'know?

Last week, Ava had conjunctivitis, otherwise known as pink eye. It was mildly annoying but cleared up in a day or so with some eye drops we got from our doctor. Then, Nate got it a few days later. Fine, eye drops--no worries.

Then Grace got it this past weekend. Couldn't use the eye drops on her, cause she's too itty bitty. So I just kept her eye clean and practiced a home cure. Warning: if you aren't comfortable talking about or reading about breast milk, you might wanna skip to the next paragraph. I'd read a few years ago that a good cure for pink eye in babies is to squirt some breast milk in their eye. Yes, I'm serious. Look, I saw it on a special thing that I like to call The Internet, which as you know, is the source of all knowledge. Besides God. But God made The Internet. Except for the bad parts--He wants me to tell you that He is not happy about those. Coincidentally, God also made breast milk. So, you see, breast milk and The Internet go hand-in-hand. With God.

So I used my little home cure with Grace, and it did the trick. She was pretty much cleared up by the next evening. But my friends, there is not enough breast milk in my, um, arsenal to deal with the raging case of pink eye that I got last night.

I've never had it before, so I didn't know what to expect. It was a little red and itchy last night, but by the time I woke up this morning, my eye was swollen up like a prizefighter's. It's sore, too. And gooey! Are you feeling sick yet? Why haven't I been thanking God all these years for not getting pink eye?

This is not a pretty sight. I considered posting a picture, but I unfortunately do have some vanity, and besides, this is a family blog. I don't want to scare any young children. But as we say in the South, right now my face'd back a buzzard off a tub of guts. And unfortunately I am not well-endowed or flexible enough to use the cure that was so effective with Grace.

I'm heading to the doctor in about half an hour, where I will ask her for some nuclear-powered eye drops. I think I will pretend to be Paris Hilton and wear my sunglasses inside. Then I will come home and douse our entire home in hand sanitizing gel.


  1. I think the worst thing about pink eye is that you have to pitch your eye makeup or you keep infecting your eyes. This can be expensive.
    Hope your eyes get better

  2. Oh NOOOOOO! I never even thought about an adult getting pink eye! I love that you used your cure on Grace--I think I remember hearing that one time too. Maybe breast milk is a miracle cure for other things too. Athlete's foot?

    The prospect of throwing out all your makeup is terrifying. I have a tube of mascara that cost thirty dollars. I think I'd risk the pink eye!

  3. Oh no! Pinkeye is terrible. I had it in both eyes when I was much younger. Glad to hear the breastmilk trick actually works... I've heard that for years but never had occasion to test it out. Thankfully. Have I said that pinkeye is terrible?

    Feel better soon.

  4. I've had to do the breastmilk trick on a baby before too. Sorry about all the eyes messes at your house! Hope yours is better soon.

  5. So sorry Amy! I too got pink eye a few years ago from the kids. Not fun. Love you.

  6. Bless your heart, Amy. This has been a rough slog, huh? Wish I were there to help- but not get pink eye ,please ! Kiss, kiss.

  7. Glad you gave the breast milk warning. Because you definitely create a mental picture of squirting little precious Grace baby in the eye--not for faint (male) hearted. hehe ;). Love the story (as usual:).

  8. Blech! Pink eye is a total bummer, I agree. I've been there. I think the stickiness is the worst.

    I've never heard the breast milk cure before. Interesting. Maybe since I always ended up squirting them in the face accidentally, it acted as a preventive measure?

  9. I got pink eye once, and it was HORRIBLE! It's good to know about the breast milk trick! (I mean, in case I have another baby...not to cure myself if I ever have pink eye again!)

  10. Just a few months ago, I was inflicted with pinkeye AND an ear the same time! It was like being 11 again.