It is early Saturday morning. I am sitting, bleary eyed, with the kids in the living room. Jason's out for a good chunk of the day. It's a peaceful day so far, and these kids are entertaining, to say the least. I am having one of those surreal, look-at-me-I'm-not-grownup-enough-for-three-kids kind of moments. Or, more like I never imagined having these conversations at 7:30 on a Saturday morning kind of moments.
Here are some for real conversational snippets from the last ten minutes.
"Mom, why don't I have blue hair like Poko? Can I have blue hair? Why isn't my hair blue? Why?"--Nate
Nate: Mom when could I ever get a dinosaur?
Nate: What do turtles eat? What do spiders eat? What eats spiders? What do butterflies eat? What do whales eat?
Helpful hint: The default answer to all "What do ________ eat?" questions is "Bugs!" It's a crowd-pleaser every time.
Ava: (watching some cartoon with a bear) That's me!! I'm the bear!
Nate: No, I'M the bear!
Ava: No, me! I'm all the people!
Nate: (white hot with rage)I'M ALL THE PEOPLE!! ME!!!
Me: (in my most sensitive tone)I will so turn this TV off if y'all keep this up.
Ava: That was a great show. I love it.
Nate: Yeah, me too.
Ava: I don't like it.
Nate: Yeah, I hate that show. (This is a new favorite word, which is applied often and liberally. We are working on that one!)
Me: Nate, put your pants back on. It's too cold in here to run around naked. (This is repeated a few times over the next several minutes.)
Ava: (in a I am the most neglected girl in the world tone)Mom, I want a puppy. Can I get a puppy now?
Me: Hmmm. Let's see. Close your eyes...go on, close your eyes. Now, tap your feet together twice. Ok, now clap your hands. Alright, open your eyes! Did it work? Is there a puppy? Is there? Oh man, it didn't work! Why can't I ever get that right?
This is my response of choice for many outlandish requests. Gets 'em every time. Ava just rolls her eyes. The things she must endure.
That's me. Dashing the most cherished dreams of childhood since late 2003.
(For all my snarking, these are some of the coolest small people around.)