Monday, November 5, 2012

I know, right now you can't tell

On my berfday, in September. 36!

Friends! I'm still here! How are you? I haven't blogged in months now and I have no good excuses to offer. Um, the dog ate it? My blog was shut down for revealing secrets of national security? I've been on a whirlwind book tour? I've been in the Big Brother house?

No, none of the above. First I was kind of in a funk, I guess. Well, and then life got really busy. And then blogging became one of those things--like when you haven't replied to an email and then too much time passes and you're overwhelmed at the thought of replying cause it's been so long...like, what do I say? How do I sum it all up? Anyone? No? Just me, then.
Grace remains totally fierce. So, that hasn't changed.

July and August were packed with activity, plus I was still feeling pretty worn down from treatment. My mood was pretty low. I thought maybe it was due to me starting Tamoxifen--it's hormonal medication, so I thought maybe my mood swings and irritability could be attributed to that. When I talked to Becky about it, she said something like, "Maybe...but it may also be that fact THAT YOU'VE HAD CANCER." Oh yeah. Maybe it's that. Turns out, it takes some time to wrap your brain around that fact.


I started to feel more like myself in September. I've been doing some thinking about how I handled the time period right after my diagnosis and surgery. I look back at my calendar from that time period, and shake my head at how busy I kept myself. I mean, it was stupid. There were lots of reasons for it--a coping mechanism I'm sure, and also wanting to work while I still felt good. Plus, the world continues to turn, you know? Stuff keeps happening. And at that point, I didn't know what my treatment would entail or how sick it might make me, so I wanted to keep going while I could. 

Yeah, that was kind of dumb. And it came back to bite me. But maybe I'll write more on that later!

Last week was Jason's 38th birthday. (On Halloween!) We had a great day together and went to see Matchbox 20 and INXS play that night. It was really fun! When Matchbox 20 started playing their song "Unwell", I leaned over to Jason and whispered, "This has been my theme song for the past few months." I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell...I know, right now you can't tell. But hang around and maybe then you'll see a different side of me.

Don't worry--I'm not about to get all emo on y'all...wearing lots of eyeliner and quoting Depeche Mode or something. But I have felt just a little unwell these past few months. Nothing terrible...I'm quite fortunate, in fact. But nevertheless, things have been...off. I'm sure everyone feels that way from time to time. But over the last 6 weeks or so, I've felt a lot more like me.


I'll be back soon. Thanks to all of you who've checked in with me over the past few months! You are real sweeties. Life continues here in Oz, and it's pretty dang fine. (I was gonna say "pretty damn fine" but then I didn't want to offend some of my church members that read here. So I decided I better not say it. Oh. Wait.)

xoxo

36 comments:

  1. So sad we did not get to connect this weekend but was thrilled to see you pop up in my newsfeed ; )

    Sending you lots of love xx

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    1. Me too!! So wish I could've worked it out. Thanks for thinking of me...I'll be in touch! xo

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  2. Ya shudda listened to your mutha!

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  3. What dad said! But yeah, I remember that time right after active treatment as a time in which I didn't want to do anything in any way for anybody. It just takes something out of you that needs a while to get put back in. And yes, you never really took a break, I think. Anyway, yadda yadda.

    Shopping also helps. And all the stuff you're already doing like exercise and all that shizz.

    Love you! Welcome back to the blogfold. What you said about how after time passes it's hard to get back in, yeah, gah, not just you.

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    1. It's true...I never really did. But whatever, la la la! I'm fine now. ;)

      My friend Jules told me the other day that every time she sees me I'm wearing something new (slight exaggeration). And I was like, "Medically necessary!"

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    2. Haha, don't bring me into this ;)

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  4. Yay, so pleased to see a new blog post. Don't be so hard on yourself about not blogging. life gets in the way of these things.

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  5. I'm with Karen on the "don't be hard on yourself." That said, we're glad to have you back!

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    1. Thank you, Mary! I did miss it, and y'all! :)

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  6. Yeah, that whole "being diagnosed with cancer" thing can be a downer!

    After my mom died, I kept myself really busy with the kids. My dad was worried because he thought I was trying too hard not to grieve. There was something to that, I think!

    Very good to read a blog post from you!

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    1. Hi Ginny!! Yeah...it's definitely a coping thing for sure. But then there's also the element of life going on, kids needing to be parenting, etc. What's a girl to do? ;) Hope you're well!

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  7. What a treat to get to get up on this cold morning and find a post from my Amy! Bless you, darlin, I'm so glad you're feeling good and healthy. But I am not surprised to read how you felt back then. Doing too much too soon for too many people. Oh, and raising three kids. But, I thank God everyday for your health and your happiness. BTW, I don't know what Matchbox 20 and INXS are but it's nice that you had a pleasant evening. Last time I checked, matchboxes were toy cars. Then again, I'm old. Love ya!

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    1. Mom, you should totally know who INXS is--google it! :) Matchbox 20 were huge in our college days and they're still pretty big now. It was a fun night.

      Love you too...and thanks for not saying that you told me so.

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  8. Glad you and Beck are back blogging! It gives me something to look up on the internet and let's me keep up with my cuzins and their fams! Glad you're feeling more like you :)

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  9. I love you, sweet sister. You're on the mend. Anais Nin once said "We write to experience life twice." I just think you didn't want to experience what you were going through two times. Once was just good enough. Now that you're feeling better, maybe experiencing things twice will feel right. Whenever you're ready. No pressure. Love, love, love to you.

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    1. Hmmm...that may be true, Chels. I hadn't thought of it that way, but you could be right! Love you too, my friend!

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  10. Love you! I'm happy to see you here again and I'm thinking of you often. Glad you're feeling more yourself. xoxo

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    1. I've been thinking of you, too! Miss you. xo

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  11. Good to see you back in blog land:) I've only been visiting intermittently over the past few months and haven't blogged much either. Good to know you're coming out the other end feeling better:) you've been through a lot and ditto to what your dad said to whatever it is your mum said:) mums know best!

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    1. They do indeed! Thanks, and thank you for all your support. :) xo

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  12. Hi, pretty-pretty! I just asked after you the other day & yr sis discreetly ignored my query & I did not pry. Hang in there, girl! Summer is coming to you, let it be a blast!

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    1. Aw, thanks Elle! Yes summer is coming!! Lord, it was hot today! And it was Melbourne Cup Day, and I always associate that with the start of our warm weather. Ice cream for everyone!

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  13. Whoops, didn't mean to ignore that query! I am just a very intermittent pen pal, I fear.

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  14. Glad that you're feeling more like yourself. Hope that trend continues!

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  15. Score!! Both the Odom girls started blogging again. I am inspired to check my Goggle Reader on a daily basis again. I am Not Kidding. And I agree with your mom: Matchbox is a type of toy cars. I, too, am old...Love you!

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    1. You are so funny! :) Thanks, Judy. Hope you're well!

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  16. I am so glad you're back. I missed you and your sister.

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  17. Nate looks like he will be a giant in a few years!
    And Ava needs to stop turning into a women! Her face there is like she is 16!
    MAKE IT STOP!

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  18. Yay! You've been missed. Glad I popped back over to your blog to see if you were back! Hallelujah. All the US peeps say hip hip hooray for Amy!

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