On my berfday, in September. 36!
Friends! I'm still here! How are you? I haven't blogged in months now and I have no good excuses to offer. Um, the dog ate it? My blog was shut down for revealing secrets of national security? I've been on a whirlwind book tour? I've been in the Big Brother house?
No, none of the above. First I was kind of in a funk, I guess. Well, and then life got really busy. And then blogging became one of those things--like when you haven't replied to an email and then too much time passes and you're overwhelmed at the thought of replying cause it's been so long...like, what do I say? How do I sum it all up? Anyone? No? Just me, then.
Grace remains totally fierce. So, that hasn't changed.
July and August were packed with activity, plus I was still feeling pretty worn down from treatment. My mood was pretty low. I thought maybe it was due to me starting Tamoxifen--it's hormonal medication, so I thought maybe my mood swings and irritability could be attributed to that. When I talked to Becky about it, she said something like, "Maybe...but it may also be that fact THAT YOU'VE HAD CANCER." Oh yeah. Maybe it's that. Turns out, it takes some time to wrap your brain around that fact.
I started to feel more like myself in September. I've been doing some thinking about how I handled the time period right after my diagnosis and surgery. I look back at my calendar from that time period, and shake my head at how busy I kept myself. I mean, it was stupid. There were lots of reasons for it--a coping mechanism I'm sure, and also wanting to work while I still felt good. Plus, the world continues to turn, you know? Stuff keeps happening. And at that point, I didn't know what my treatment would entail or how sick it might make me, so I wanted to keep going while I could.
Yeah, that was kind of dumb. And it came back to bite me. But maybe I'll write more on that later!
Last week was Jason's 38th birthday. (On Halloween!) We had a great day together and went to see Matchbox 20 and INXS play that night. It was really fun! When Matchbox 20 started playing their song "Unwell", I leaned over to Jason and whispered, "This has been my theme song for the past few months." I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell...I know, right now you can't tell. But hang around and maybe then you'll see a different side of me.
Don't worry--I'm not about to get all emo on y'all...wearing lots of eyeliner and quoting Depeche Mode or something. But I have felt just a little unwell these past few months. Nothing terrible...I'm quite fortunate, in fact. But nevertheless, things have been...off. I'm sure everyone feels that way from time to time. But over the last 6 weeks or so, I've felt a lot more like me.
I'll be back soon. Thanks to all of you who've checked in with me over the past few months! You are real sweeties. Life continues here in Oz, and it's pretty dang fine. (I was gonna say "pretty damn fine" but then I didn't want to offend some of my church members that read here. So I decided I better not say it. Oh. Wait.)